This might just be the hardest thing ever for me to do…figuring out what makes me ‘me’ without listing all the things I do for other people. Focusing on what makes me…’me’ is hard. That is a great question…and yet a difficult one for me to answer. I actually posted this on my Facebook page. When I pull away all the ‘labels’ on my life ~ what am I actually left with in the end? Think about it, put aside all your thoughts and think about who you really are…
The first things that come to my mind are my labels…I am a wife; a mother; a sister; a friend…and the list continues. I absolutely LOVE helping others and I would do anything to help anyone at any time. I love everyone and find enjoyment in just being there at all times. My friends know that no matter what I am always a phone call away. I am never too busy for my friends…if someone was to take away all those ‘labels’ on me, what am I left with?
As I type this I can absolutely say that I totally LOVE being a wife and mother. I married my high school sweetheart and we started dating my senior year of high school. Dave has become such an important part in my life and I truly can’t imagine him not being a part of it. I love being a wife and I would always joke around that I was going to college to get my ‘MRS’ degree. But being a mother ~ now that is something that I have always wanted for as long as I can remember. My two little boys mean the world to me and they truly are my heart. Seeing the world thru their eyes is truly amazing. Life is so different from the eyes of a 6 & 9 year old.
Now take away those labels…wife & mom…who am I? Who am I deep inside…what makes me unique? What makes me…ME? This question has been bouncing off my head all day today. I never imagined that a question like this would be so deep and be something I would think about. When I think of this for someone else, I have no problem rattling off a list. Like take my husband, I can tell you so many ways that makes him unique and makes him the person he is today. Flip that around and ask me about what makes me ‘ME’ and I am stumped…isn’t that crazy? It seems so warped…I should know who I am especially by age 37! For some people it is so easy to rattle off the list of what makes them unique and special…for me I only can see my helpful sides for others.
Is that wrong? I don’t think it is, but it definitely shows me how I need to grow. How I need to see the ‘Shannon’ that I should be…but helping others and seeing myself as a helper for others isn’t a bad thing at all…but what makes me ‘ME’. If I was to die tomorrow, what unique qualities would be lost that I was giving in this world? What am I contributing to society that only I can give? I will never look at someone and think that they can be replaced. We all cannot be replaced…people aren’t disposable and replaceable at a whim. When someone dies, we definitely feel the loss no matter who the person is…it could be a famous person or just someone you know. Losing a person and what that person is not only what the person meant to YOU but what that person contributed to the world…is a huge loss.
I think of my mom and how her anniversary of her sudden passing is coming up on 8/31st. Her passing changed my world in so many ways…I see her death and what a loss the world felt when she passed away. I can rattle off a list of everything that defined my mother but yet when I turn and look at myself, I am completely stumped.
I know the people closest to me can rattle off things that make me unique and makes me ‘ME’…but shouldn’t I see that person when I close my eyes? Or when I am alone with my thoughts? I almost feel as if I have a mental block and I can’t self-examine myself in that way. Almost like my brain won’t let me do it…like take this a step further…I can’t handle a compliment well at all. If you were to compliment me on say my clothes; or my workout; or my children; or my cooking, etc. I will automatically give you a reason why my clothes aren’t what you think they are; or how my workout was good BUT…there is that word…BUT I always use it. Try it out…even if you don’t know me, I can’t just accept your compliment and say “thank you”…it will be more like this “thank you but did you see how awful my triceps pushups were?” etc. I can’t just say thank you. It is as if I have to give an excuse as to how I am really not that great or deserving of that compliment.
I am trying to say ‘thank you’ just say those words and put a period after it. It is so hard for me…I almost feel as if I shouldn’t get that compliment and I will give you every reason why I shouldn’t hear that compliment from you.
This is something that I am going to be working on and trying to figure out. I definitely don’t mind the labels in my life…I love the labels but what makes me ‘ME’ and I definitely need to improve on my ability to take a compliment. Now that doesn’t mean when I see you or you send me a message on Facebook that I will be right on par with what I should be saying…but it is definitely something I will work on. So interesting how just one question, can absolutely make you think about yourself and life so differently. What do you think? Do you ever think about what makes you ‘YOU’? Why are you unique? Is it the labels in your life; what you do for others…no that isn’t it and I am learning that…now is the time I need to look inside myself and see…what makes me ‘ME’.