Shaun T ~ if anyone says his name it just makes me smile. I can’t help it…I feel as if I know him. He has completely helped me reclaim my life and get back to the “Shannon” I have always wanted to be and he doesn’t even know how much yet. He has probably heard of ‘inshannonity’ and my name because I tag him so much on Facebook in my posts…but I can’t wait to tell him why hearing his name brings such a smile to my face. Is it because I love the way I look now with losing 45lbs since I started my journey; nope…it is about how much he helped me change inside…that is the reason when I hear his name I just smile. My fitness journey began without me wanting to lose weight or get in shape…it had WAY more to do with emotions and pulling myself back together. I am totally going to do this and not cry (maybe).
Everything seemed ‘perfect’ back last year in April until one day ~ my world got tossed upside down. Thankfully looking back and seeing what happened and how my son is perfectly fine still here with me in my arms makes me so thankful. But on this day, April 25, 2014 my world slowly started to consume me piece by piece. It started out completely normal ~ I felt as if I had no care in the world. I put my baby boy on the school bus just like I did every day for the Pre-K pm session. Only this day my 5 year old son would be left on the bus…he would not get off the bus at school. No one checked to make sure the bus was empty…instead he was all alone for 2 hours while I sat in a restaurant laughing and eating lunch with friends. Only I had no idea. I assumed he was at school and in class. After I had lunch, I stopped back at home and my home phone was ringing. I ran over to it and when I answered I hated the sound of the voice on the other end…telling me that my baby boy was found on the side of the street all alone sitting in weeds with his backpack on and jacket. For two hours…he was missing and I had no idea…no one had any idea.
The point is that I actually started to lose who I was…having my 5 year old look up at me and say “Mommy you said you would never leave me all alone; I called your name over and over again but you never came; how could you do that to me mommy?!?” I know “I” didn’t do that to him…but it hurt to hear his little voice, crying face look up at me and ask that question over and over again. I tried to keep myself together for him and my family. But I was not okay…I would actually take my boys to school (no more buses) and come home, shut the door and my body would slide down the back of the front door as I collapsed on the floor and I would cry for hours. I would just lay there and cry; or crawl up in a ball and cry. My son…2 hours alone ~ no adults…so much could have happened to him…he could have wandered off looking for me…other bad/horrible things could have happened. I tried to not think of those things and focus on him being okay…but I was falling apart. I didn’t sleep; I just cried. I cried so much…I started losing ‘who’ I was. I was slowly losing myself into complete darkness. I hid this from everyone; I just put a smile on my face when I was out acting like I was fine…I wasn’t okay ~ I was slowly dying.
One morning on May 13, 2014 at 5am, I was sitting down in my family room crying and I looked over at my Insanity dvds. I remember looking at that program thinking why not try something to help break up my emotions. I needed to feel something else. I ran upstairs with a tear stained face and threw on workout clothes. I busted it open and I began pushing play…every single day for 60 days. I never missed a workout. That first day I pushed play I had tears the entire time as I was jumping and leaping. There is no ‘before’ picture of me before Insanity because it wasn’t about losing weight…for me it was about the person inside the girl who was lost trying to claw her way back out.
So Shaun T makes me smile because the ‘inshannonity’ I am today inspiring others and motivating others to push play and become better versions of themselves would NEVER had happened if I didn’t ‘find’ him on that day in May of 2014. I remember that day thinking just maybe I can become myself again thru using Shaun T’s program. I remember all the tears I would cry as he would speak to keep going and pushing hard….and digging deeper. Ahhh the digging deeper is the hard part. It is easy to ‘say’ you are okay but to actually be okay on the inside is completely different. I went from Insanity to Asylum to T25 including Gamma to Insanity Max 30 and then I made up a crazy hybrid mixing up Asylum Vol 1 & 2; Insanity Max 30 and Gamma on Saturdays ~ Shaun T Overload. One program right after another…I needed to push play with Shaun T every single day and honestly I still do. I can’t go two days with another program before I push play with him. There is just something about him…he just motivates and connects to me in a way I can’t explain. I call him my trainer…and he changed me not just on my outside…but the inside and honestly that is the best part. The inside of a person ~ it is who we are…it is the person that when we are in the dark and all alone that we need to be okay with…the outside can look toned and fit but the inside is what matters. I am so thankful that Shaun T helped fix my inside. He helped me reclaim myself…slowly over time I became more ‘me’ and less in darkness.
Shaun T…definitely inspired me in a way I never thought a person would. I never really considered myself to be so lost that I would need a ‘rescue’ but I am so thankful that I had him…with Insanity that day. He helped me in a way I can’t wait to share with him. Sometimes things happen in life and how we react can determine our future paths. I could have continued in darkness; allowed my life to spiral out of control or turn to other things…but I pushed play with Shaun T and honestly my life has never been better.
May 9, 2015…I will finally meet him ~ I don’t know how I will be seeing him. I will probably cry because seeing the person who helped me become the better version of myself thru a tragic incident…is just so heartfelt. I don’t want to cry because I am supposed to have a happy smiling picture with him to capture this time forever…but I know me and I know my heart…seeing him and having time with him just to look at him and say the words ‘thank you’ will just bring me to tears. Those two words are so inadequate on how I truly feel…’thank you’ just doesn’t seem to be enough to say to him. I am who I am today because of him…yes I pushed play every day and yes I used working out as a way to get thru my emotions…but he kept me going in ways he has no idea. Maybe one day I will be able to explain it all to him…just maybe ~